Personal <i>pensieri</i> ~ Romancing Italy
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Oct 5, 2008

Personal pensieri

This weekend was not the easiest or the best for me. My companion, A, has been working long hours this past week and today he was also heading out for a trip out of town. Friday, we had plans to spend together and go to dinner. It didn't happen because his client, a very talkative old man, kept him under his spell until 9pm. That must really be rude in Italy where people eat around 8 or so. But that nice little old man didn't seem to notice. My previous lifestyle molded me into a 6pm dinner time, unheard of here in Italy. But eating after 9pm just was not going to work for me. AND I was upset that A hadn't closed the meeting, knowing that he was to take me to dinner. People do it for other work appointments, why not for a girlfriend???

Whether good or bad reasons were involved, I felt unimportant and did what I usually do when I am not happy. I get very, very quiet. I am not talkative by nature but when I get silent, the room chills along with me. It's a gift, what can I say?

We talked it out, we moved on, we went to dinner on Saturday to make up for the lost Friday... but I still couldn't snap out of it. The cloud refused to lift and when Sunday morning arrived and he was ready to head out for the airport, I went through the motions ....good morning kiss and hug..a little snuggle. But it was obvious I was still not "me".

His friend arrived and suddenly there were all sorts of words that I wanted to say but couldn't and especially not in rushed Italian. He hugged me, gave me a kiss and was out the door.

Why didn't that suffice for me? Why did I still feel so unfulfilled? It wasn't because he hadn't done the right things to make me feel loved. It was because I had held back. I hadn't completely forgiven and even though there was the shell of motions to say "I love you", it lacked the substance. I decided that this must never happen again. Even if I am frustrated about something in our lives, I will not let him leave the house again without telling him in no uncertain terms that he is important no matter what issues we have and that he is the love of my life.

Fortunately in many cases, it's not "too late" to say these things to the people we love.
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